Of God, insecurity, and humility.

I've had to learn to accept what God's will is for me this weekend. I was at a debate tournament, and despite all of my hard work and effort, I didn't qualify in either of the events I entered in. In LD debate, I won 2 of four of the my debate rounds, and in my standard oratory I only know that I made it to the finals, and my coach said that I was VERY close to qualifying in that event. However, when I was sitting in the awards ceremony, I was really upset with my self thoughts such as "you're not good enough," or "you didn't do your best" were shooting like wild fire through my mind. Finally I came to the conclusion that God must have other plans for me on the weekend of regionals. So, I'm re-learning that I need to take into account what God has in mind, who am I to argue with his thoughts. I'm also re-learning, that I need to nip insecurities in the bud long before I dwell on them. Even when the thoughts I mentioned before were running through my mind, I should have been thinking that I did do my best, and that I put my heart and soul into my performances. It was just a matter of the judges not liking my performance as much as I did. What I'm really struggling with now is trying not to be bitter and working on being humble. I do feel like I was one of 2 or 3 standard oratories that were of any consequence. I know that this isn't the way to view this, but it's still irritating. I'm working on developing some humility.